I was robbed – not by a burglar (well actually I was robbed by a burglar as well, which I’ll tell you about soon).
When I say I was robbed, I’m referring to what anxiety has stolen from me. Many, MANY, moments from my life.
I grew up with generalized anxiety but I thought I was just a kid who worried a lot and who had lots of “sore tummies”.
I had a parent who was a worrier, so I knew no different.
I could never, ever count the amount of times worry has robbed me from enjoying the present moment.
Worry shows up like this…
“Did I remember to turn off the oven/lock the door”
“Do I have enough money to pay for school/rent/mortgage”
“What is my boss going to say about my work”
“Is he going to call… am I going to be single forever”
And then there’s health anxiety…
“What’s that spot on my face…. cancer?”
“My heart rate is going fast… am I having a heart attack?”
“My stomach is upset… is it cancer?”
“What if my dad has a heart attack?”
“What if my mom falls down?”
And safety anxiety…
“What if I get in a car accident?”
“What if the dogs runs into traffic and gets hit by a car?”
“What if the plane crashes (more on this later…. p.s. – I’m writing this on an airplane (see pic)?”
“What if that meat is raw and I get salmonella and die”
“What if a shark comes and bites me”
“What if a car hits me while I’m on my bike”
“What if I get robbed/raped/attacked”
And then there’s just plain creative anxiety
“What if that crazy squirrel falls on the roof, scratches my face and I get rabies… and die”
“Zombies….. you never know. Walking Dead – just sayin’”
Alright… I think you get my point.
Anxiety shows up as a question about a possible worst case scenario…. “What if…?” But we interpret it as a fact and then we get wrapped up in a whole anxiety story.
Here is a brief list of activities anxiety has robbed me from enjoying:
Off leash dog park
Going for a walk/bike/run alone at night or early morning
Taking many vacations
Swimming in the ocean
Enjoying a book while I wait to board a plane
Taking the lift up the rocky mountains
Family road trips
Relaxing many MANY nights before bed
The list goes on. Anxiety wants me to worry about some potential worst case scenario instead of focusing on the present moment – which is usually pretty safe.
For years I wasn’t really aware of my anxious thoughts – I just had them and reacted to them with anxiety and avoidance.
Avoidance shows up like this:
Passing up opportunities to take trips/jobs/events
Staying home/inside
Not going on that date
Not taking that class
Not applying for that job
Not getting on an airplane
Not driving on the highway
Not calling that person
Anxiety, in it’s extreme, can turn into agoraphobia (not leaving your house).
For me, anxiety turned into a panic disorder in 2007. And while this was a really crappy experience, it helped me start recovering, for which I super grateful for.
A large part of my recovery included mindfulness meditation and lifestyle changes.
Mindfulness meditation helps you become aware of your thoughts and feelings – without being overwhelmed by them.
With this newfound awareness, I was able to recognize when my anxiety stories were happening.
My new thoughts would be…
“Ohhh I’m nervous about this trip because anxiety tells me highway driving is dangerous and I might die”.
And BOOM, I now have a choice about how I respond. I could listen to the anxiety story or I focus on the present moment and let go of my worry.
In the beginning I probably let the anxiety story win about 90% of the time.
But the more I practiced my mindfulness meditation, the easier it was for me to let go of the worry and focus on the present.
One of the questions I began to ask myself when I noticed anxiety come up was, “What would it be like if anxiety wasn’t here right now?”
This became a very powerful question and one I still use when anxiety decides to creep up on me.
Over the years I also made many lifestyle changes (sleep, food, exercise, relaxation, yoga) which helped me let go of anxiety.
Now about being robbed by a burglar….
Earlier this year I came home from work and found that my house had been robbed. No one was there and I was safe… but it didn’t take long for my old friend anxiety to come back “THE WORLD IS NOT SAFE – you should worry about it. You should imagine the burglar in your house. You should worry about him coming back. You are not safe. You might die”.
Fortunately this is not new for me and I immediately upped my self-care and meditation/yoga. I connected with family and friends. I limited my sugar/caffeine. I stayed away from all vicarious trauma (fiction and non-fiction). It took me about a week to fully let go of my anxiety around the robbery.
I will always be prone to anxiety. If I have many stressful events take place in a short period of time, I will be looking for it.
If I drop the ball on my regular self-care, she (anxiety) peeks around the corner to remind me I need to stay on track”.
I have almost created a humorous relationship with my anxiety – for me, it just makes it easier to deal.
I used to have a fear of flying – that’s what triggered my panic disorder back in 2007. I went through some intensive therapy for this (CBT and exposure therapy) and became a frequent flyer.
Today (as I prepared to head to the airport) I noticed the anxiety story beginning again…
“What if the plane crashes and you die?”
But don’t just think about it…. IMAGINE it… VISUALIZE it…. you can see the passengers freaking out, the air masks dropping, the lights flickering….. anxiety is very much a hollywood picture!
So as I walked through security I used my old trick….. “What if anxiety wasn’t here”. Deep breaths. “Anxiety is not here”. The present moment is here. I can talk to this person, buy some snacks, do some airport yoga, look out at the planes, pop onto social media, smile, relax and enjoy my trip.
Today anxiety tried to rob me of the enjoyment of flying. And 15 minutes ago, when we hit some turbulence she shouted “I TOLD YOU SO”. The turbulence lasted 2 minutes and I continued to write this article.
So the next time you notice your anxiety thoughts, ask yourself “What if anxiety wasn’t here”.
Want to chat more about anxiety/stress and how to create a calmer, happier, stress-free you? Come join my Facebook group.
Cheers,
Char